By Sarah Pump, PAN Executive Director
Last week, a desperate low-income mother posted in a Nanaimo Facebook group.
Her little family had been sponsored with a gift hamper and it had just arrived. She was depending on it to have Christmas gifts for her kids.
She stated that the hamper had very little on the wish list that she had filled out, instead including mostly dollar store items for her kids, and no large gift for one of her children. She said that there were a number of gifts for mom, and she wished that the sponsor had used the funds towards her children’s gifts instead. She asked if anyone in the group had the one big item that was the only thing her child had asked for.
This poor mother was ripped apart by many of the group members. How DARE she complain about an act of charity. How DARE she suggest that this hamper was anything less than helpful. The AUDACITY to point out anything negative about what she received.
Thankfully, other commenters were kinder and she had offers of help.
This mother said the quiet part out loud because she was desperate. Her kids go to school with kids from other, more financially secure families. They all see the same toy ads, want the same cool toys. She had depended on this hamper to give her kids a similar Christmas experience.
These hampers can be disappointing. Some sponsors will disregard wish lists, regift dusty items from around their own homes, choose different toys, and buy the wrong sizes. Sometimes gift cards are included, but not always. I know this not only as a recipient of hampers, but also as a frontline worker referring families for them.
Yes, when they are great, they are GREAT. And that is what we hear about. The tearful thank yous, the gushing notes of gratitude. However, they are so inconsistent.
Recipients don’t complain because they fear exactly what happened to this mother in that Facebook group. They fear being told that beggers can’t be choosers. They fear being labelled as ungrateful. They can even be accused of lying, because we are all constantly told how wonderful these hampers are.
Poor people are often expected to just be grateful with whatever we get. Especially over the holidays, we are sometimes a prop in a process to make the donor feel good about themselves. If we have an opinion about what we receive, that ruins the feel good exercise. When we are more vulnerable, if we express a choice, we are labeled as difficult.
Choice provides dignity. And these hampers remove choice when a wish list isn’t followed, and the recipients opinions aren’t considered. Regardless of our financial status, we all want and deserve dignity and autonomy.
I am so grateful for the organizations in Nanaimo that DO emphasize autonomy and dignity through choice.
The Great Nanaimo Toy Drive does a fantastic job in this regard, creating a low barrier opportunity where parents and guardians can choose the gifts for their children.
Loaves and Fishes also focuses on choice all year round by offering their Free Food Markets where clients shop for their personally selected food items.
With our Snacks 4 Kids program, we send out an order form for our families to complete, choosing the types of food they want included in their Snack Packs.
Being low-income shouldn’t mean that we lose the opportunity to make choices. We swallow our pride enough, lining up at resources, admitting that we can’t afford things and need help. Please support us to preserve our dignity through choice.
Poverty Advocacy Nanaimo 